Communication

My favorite part of blogging is reading your comments, so today I'm asking a question.

My husband was on a panel with four men at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) Meeting. The moms in the group had a chance to ask the men any question they wanted. I was surprised at the consistency of most of the questions - they had a lot to do with communication.

My question is this: If you're married, what is the most important thing you've learned about communicating with your spouse? If you're not married, what have you learned about communication while observing couples you know?

5 Things That Made Our Getaway Special

After we first arrived!

Last weekend my husband and I enjoyed a little getaway to Las Vegas. It was our first extended vacation (alone) in seven years.

Ahhh... Just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and happy inside. Here are the top five things that made our vacation extra special:

1. The trip was FREE! What a great way to relax and enjoy each other's company. Even if you can't go somewhere for free, I highly recommend finding a destination that costs less. It might be going somewhere closer to home. It might mean watching prices online and being flexible with dates. Or it might mean having a Stay-cation. Whatever it takes, it's worth keeping the cost down. There were no worries about finances and that enabled us to really relax and have fun.

2. We had trustworthy (free) childcare. My parents agreed to watch all four of our children. Again, it might not be possible for everyone to have free childcare, but if you can find it, use it. You'll be able to leave your cares behind. If relatives aren't available, offer to swap childcare with another couple. It might mean a date night, an overnight, or a long weekend.

The show we attended

3. We compromised. Okay, this one was a bit hard for me - at the beginning. I'm a planner, especially when we travel, and I usually have a packed itinerary. But I know how much my husband dislikes having his entire vacation planned. So we compromised and I had a couple of things on my "to-do" list, but we kept the schedule free and enjoyed my activities when it seemed appropriate. I wanted to see a show, go on a city tour and learn a little about the history of Vegas. We did all three of those things, but we did them when we felt like it. Win, win!

4. We left our troubles at home. We made an agreement that we wouldn't discuss all those pesky day-to-day problems we face at home. You know the kind. The house related issues, the work related issues, the family related issues. Instead, we talked about our goals for our family in 2013. The things we want to work on as parents, as a couple and as friends. It was so much fun to be proactive, instead of reactive. Without the kiddos around to distract us, we were able to have great conversations.

 

Watching the Vikings - outside the Mirage

5. We laughed, a lot. We held hands, kissed under the Vegas lights, relaxed and slept in. The best part was just being a couple. It was so much fun to sit back and really look at my husband again. Life is busy. Children are consuming. Owning a business is overwhelming. Taking time to reconnect, and only think about each other for four days, was priceless.

What about you? What do you enjoy about getting away with your significant other? If you're not in a relationship, what do you like about having time to yourself, away from all the responsibilities of life?

Recipe of a Champion

I really enjoyed watching the Summer Olympics this year and one thing kept occurring to me: there is definitely a recipe for champions - and the ingredients that make up that recipe can be applied to anything we set our minds to, whether that be parenting, marriage, writing, or other pursuits.

Passion - every champion starts with passion. For me, one of my passions is writing. I love the written word. I love to read it and I love to write it. It's so much more than entertainment for me; it's a way to communicate the essence of who I am. I love expressing who God created me to be with the words he places on my heart and my greatest prayer is that He uses those words for His Kingdom and His glory.

Support - every champion has people who believe in her. For most, it starts with our parents, grandparents, teachers, aunts, uncles - anyone who influences us as children. As we grow, it becomes spouses, best friends and other. For me, other writers and readers have become part of my support system. People who cheer you on when you've reached a milestone and those who help you back up when you've stumbled. Support keeps us going.

Good Coaching - every champion has a dynamic coach, or coaches, who show them how to succeed. For me, it's been my online writing friends, books I've read on the craft of writing, reading other books by authors I admire, and my husband. My coaches show me where I need to improve and they challenge me to do better each time I try.

Commitment - every champion is committed to their pursuit. Just as an athlete must commit to training, day in and day out, no matter how they feel, I've had to commit to learning my craft, keeping my blogging schedule, finishing my weekly word quota and not giving up, even when I don't "feel" like continuing. I once heard that a writer's greatest enemy is their desk chair. So many times we feel like doing something else, but when we commit to getting published, we must plunk our bottoms in the chair and keep pressing forward.

Determination - if I could designate one of these ingredients, above the others, as the most important, I would say determination would be it. Every champion is determined to be the best. Determination keeps us going. It is the fuel we need to chase after our dreams. When rejection comes, when we don't win, when we stumble along the way, determination kicks in and we get back in the game to try again. Without determination, there is no chance at becoming a champion.

What about you? What ingredients do you think make up the recipe for a champion? Are these ingredients part of your plan?

For the Love of My Man

Friday was our eleventh wedding anniversary and my mom had agreed to babysit, so Dave and I had an entire evening all to ourselves. Ahhh... Dave said he wanted to take me to my favorite Mexican restaurant and from there it was my choice. I thought it might be fun to see a movie, since we rarely go to the theater anymore, and he agreed to go, even though I know how much he hates being inside a movie theater in the summer time. He didn't complain, but he did hint that it was a beautiful evening to go golfing.

One thing I've known about Dave since we met in high school is his passion for the game of golf. He'd rather be on a golf course than almost anywhere. He used to golf five or six days a week and he worked on a golf course during high school and college. He majored in horticulture at Iowa State University, with an emphasis in turf management. The man loves to golf.

During this season of parenting both of us have had to sacrifice some of our hobbies and interests, and Dave has willingly given up golfing. He plays now and again, but it's nothing like before, especially since the twins were born.

When he mentioned playing golf on our anniversary date, I wasn't too crazy about the idea. I don't mind the game, I think it's relaxing and I occasionally watch some of the PGA Tour when I'm at my in-law's, but it didn't sound very romantic or exciting on Friday.

After giving it some thought, I realized that this was something I could do for my hubby as a way of honoring our marriage and thanking him for all that he does for our family. So we went golfing.

The evening was gorgeous and it was so much fun just walking with Dave from hole to hole, enjoying the quiet solitude and uninterrupted conversation. I was able to tease him when he made a bad shot and we laughed when I put two balls into a water hazard on hole number sixteen. It was exactly what we both needed and a wonderful way to spend our anniversary. It turns out that it was quite romantic, afterall.

What about you? If you had an evening all to yourself, what would you do? Any golfers out there?

Marriage

Today my hubby and I celebrate eleven years of marriage and, as of this summer, we've officially known each other half our lives. We met when we were sixteen, before driver's licenses, wisdom teeth and graduation. When we still had a curfew, when our mothers would warn: "It's time to get off the phone now" and when we had to ask permission to go on a date.

I often marvel that at the age of sixteen I was able to see in him the man he would become and to recognize that he was the one I wanted to weave my life with. Even though we didn't know it then, each of us has been exactly who the other has needed. I'm so in awe of God for giving us that gift - because He knew.

Dave's uncle once asked me why I thought our marriage would last. I didn't even hesitate. I told him it would last because we'll be having a conversation for the rest of our lives. Whether it's good or bad, whether it's interesting or dull, we'll keep talking with each other until one of us is called home to Heaven. I want to know all I can about him - he fascinates me, challenges me, defends me, loves me, cares for me, cherishes me and holds me accountable. Who wouldn't want to spend the rest of their life getting to know a man like that? He has so much wisdom and I esteem him higher than any other person I know. He's always the first person I want to talk to and the one who I can be completely real with - and the crazy man loves me anyway!



Our most recent picture - taken two
weeks ago at a Twins game.

We have both grown in countless ways – but we continue to grow together. Our faith and relationship with Christ comes first and it's the foundation our marriage is built upon, without it we would be a weak structure, crumbling under the weight of life's storms.

Our children are a wonderful extension of our love for one another and they complete us in a way that nothing else ever could. I've told them that I searched the whole world to find the perfect man to be their daddy and I know I am blessed beyond reason, because I found him and married him.

What about you? Are you married? What anniversary will you be celebrating this year? If you're not married, what other celebrations do you have marked on your calendar?