I once heard that a child's most vivid memories are the ones that have the strongest emotion attached to them. Whether that emotion is really good or really bad, those are the ones they tend to hold on to.Often my children will ask Dave and I to share with them a memory from our childhoods and I'm always amazed that some of the first memories to surface are usually the ones that have bad emotions attached, like when I fell off a bike, or when I hit a tree sliding down a snow hill or even when my brother threw a baseball and hit my eye and it looked like I had been punched. Thankfully, I don't have to dig very deep to find the good memories of hugs and kisses from my mom and dad, curling up with my sister to watch an old movie, going to the library with my mom, family vacations, New Year's Eve parties with family and friends or softball games on Sunday afternoons, but those don't always surface first. Sometimes I have to be purposeful about finding the good memories and focusing on them.
The same can be said for my girls who will be eight and six this summer. When they talk about the things they remember, they often bring up events like the time our brand new puppy was lost and we were out searching for her into the wee hours of the morning, or when my oldest was camping with my parents and became separated from the group or when my younger daughter hurt her finger while playing with a neighbor's little red wagon. Those memories have strong negative emotions attached to them, so I'm careful to make sure the girls remember the good that came from those events, too.
I love watching my girls' faces as they follow up the bad memory with the happy ending. They love telling how our lost puppy was found by a nice woman who called the Humane Society, how my oldest has such a good memory that she was able to recall the campsite number and found her way back without any tears and how our neighbor (who is a doctor) took care of the wounded finger and made my daughter feel very special in the process.
As a parent, I can't prevent all the unhappy moments my children will experience, but I can be purposeful about helping them create a happy ending. Even when there seems to be nothing positive about a circumstance, I encourage my daughters to look for something good. Whether it's through showing them how God provides the answer to our prayers, like He did when the puppy was found, or praising them for keeping their cool under stressful circumstance or encouraging them to be grateful for the help of a kind neighbor, there are countless ways to turn a painful memory into a positive one.
What about you? What's the very first memory that comes to mind from your childhood? Is it good or bad? Does it have a happy ending? If you'd like to share it, I'd love to hear it!
I'm so thankful that all the memories I can recall from childhood are truly good. I hope to create that same environment for my kids and even more, by God's grace, I hope that I can always be a good memory for them in the way I treated them and spent time with them and loved them. These years are so precious and I long to make them count to the fullest.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Joanne! I want my children to look back on their childhood and have wonderful memories of their years growing up. Just today we drove our bikes to the Dairy Queen and then to the library to pick up some books. Before bed we read a couple of those books and I knew we were all making good memories that we'll carry in our hearts forever. Childhood is so fleeting and it's the most important time in their lives - my husband and I are committed to being the best parents we can be. I love knowing you have, too. :)
DeleteOh my goodness, this is so in line with my WIP! Even the question! I like to claim I saw all three of my sister looking in at me in the hospital as a baby. I even added this in (switching it up some and working it into one of my character's stories) my WIP. ;-)
ReplyDelete~ Wendy
My earliest memory is right after my sister was born when I was two. I even remember the tube top my aunt was wearing on that hot summer day! :)
DeleteYour WIP sounds intriguing!! I love studying thoughts and memories, they fascinate me. I'm considering doing a series on my blog using a book called The Gift in You by Dr. Caroline Leaf. She specializes in the brain and thoughts, memories and emotions. She's also written one called Who Switched Off my Brain. You might want to check them out for your WIP!
I've dealt with the "bad" and they have faded. Though...if I wanted I could probably dig them up. The good memories a bound. building hay forts, swinging from rafters, and playing in a grain wagon thingy filled with grain and then afterward I remember taking a bath and I would be in so much pain because of all the little cuts the straw or grain had main in the skin. Its the gun shoot times and get together with my extended family and playing volleyball. My most earliest memories though are staring at my hand and being in awe of it being separated from the world around me, and just knowing without knowing that there was a God but it soon faded and I would remember staring at my hand looking for the same feeling...I was really little. I do have one memory of pain, I was two and sitting on a counter dipping my hand in water and looking at my finger I had just broke trying to help carry firewood. What you're saying though about helping your kids see the good is a great idea and I will have to keep that in mind for my kiddos.
ReplyDeleteJennette, you're doing an amazing job! I remember some of those tough years, and even though they happened, you have the choice to let them continue to control your future, or let them stay in the past and you've chosen wisely. You're an awesome mom who is being purposeful about how you're raising your own children. You're a beautiful wife who is being purposeful about your marriage. And you're following your dream, which is more than a lot of people can say. Keep up the good work, my friend, it will reap a future harvest for the Kingdom!
DeleteI try to be really purposeful about how I remember my Mom. It's so easy to just remember how she was sick for years and how that affected us. But my dad always says, "There was so much more to her than that." Her laughter. Her generosity toward others. How much she loved us. How hard she worked. I much prefer to remember her like that--a vibrant, loving whirlwind of a woman--than the other visions I have of her when she was sick. I try not to go the opposite way and put her on a pedestal, too.
ReplyDeleteI like your idea of helping kids to remember the good. My dad did that for me and I'm really grateful.
It can be so easy to remember the last part of a person's life, especially when they've been sick. My grandma died of colon cancer when I was only five, but what I remember most about her were all the trips we took to the hospital at the end. Thankfully I've been able to add "memories" about my grandma through what my mom has told me about her growing up years. These weren't things I actually experienced with my grandma (I wasn't born yet!) but I feel like I know more about her, beyond the sickness.
DeleteYou're doing an awesome job, Lindsay. I feel these past few months, as I've gotten to know you, you've told us so many good things about your mom. I can see the love and respect you have for her in the words that you write. She would be so proud of you.
Thank you so much, Gabe. That means the world to have you say that! :)
DeleteI know I remember bad stuff more, and I wish that wasn't the case. What a good idea to see what my kids remember. I'd like them to be in practice with remembering good things.
ReplyDeleteEven when they are so young, I love finding out what they're remembering. It never ceases to amaze me what they say! My kids have crazy good memories. That's why I'm trying to be proactive and help them to remember the good with the bad.
DeleteYou are such a gifted story-teller, Gabrielle. My memories stem from a wonderful sense of belonging. I have 3 sisters, so poor Dad was seriously outnumbered with 4 girls, a wife, and a girl dog (we told him he could have done something about the dog's gender). Our family time was regular and precious. My favorite memories include when Dad would put on the old Glenn Miller music, pull Mom off the couch, and start doing those cool old dances that people don't do anymore. Dad taught us to dance by letting us stand on his feet. There was always music in the house. Dad played the stand-up bass, Mom sang, two of my sisters played clarinet, and two of us played flute. We loved music and no matter where we went on family trips, music in the car was a must. Thanks for allowing me that wonderful trip down memory lane!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing, Donna! I remember my dad and mom standing in the middle of the kitchen hugging. It always made me feel so secure. I love when my own children see my hubby and I dancing or hugging - they always cover their eyes and say "ewww!" but I can see them peeking through their fingers at us with a silly grin on their faces. :) I love when a mom and a dad are in love - it's a beautiful gift from God - one that you were given, as well.
DeleteWhile talking to my daughters (ages 17 and 8) the other day, I realized that my little one is at the prime age for memories ... virtually anything that happens to her from now on is something she will remember. Just a little bit of pressure ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs for myself, it's a funny thing about memories. My earliest memories are of playing with my siblings and the kids in our neighborhood, nothing specific, just a general weaving of days together because they were very much the same yet very wonderful for all that.
The memories I have before that, though, I sometimes think are a lie. I remember a camping trip with my aunt, uncle, and cousins when I was two or three, but there are a lot of pictures of that camping trip, so sometimes I wonder if that's why I "remember" it. I don't know ... I'm rambling ;-)
Thanks for stopping by and following my blog! Memories can be a funny thing. I often wonder if I actually remember something or if it's just the memory of the pictures I've seen a hundred times. I'm such a camera person - my husband picks on me because I have that camera with us EVERYWHERE! I love capturing memories - and I never know when I'll need a picture for a blog post!
DeleteI have let go of the bad memories in my young life. I have very fond memories of fishing with my dad and brothers, and baking with my mom. My parents weren't the most "huggy" people, but you got the pat on the knee, or the "I love you" smile. I knew I was loved.
ReplyDeleteThank you for joining the discussion today, Loree, and for following my blog. I've enjoyed your blog and your comments on other blogs these past couple of months.
DeleteIt sounds like you have some good things to remember. Knowing we're loved is one of the most important things we need to know and tell others.
I don't exactly know what my earliest memory is, but a huge chunk of my memories are happy. I'm blessed with such amazing parents (today is their 32nd wedding anniversary!) and siblings and grandparents. Possibly one of my earliest memories is sitting on my dad's lap in church with my fingers wrapped around his thumb. Which I know is a funny thing to remember, but I do remember it so clearly. :)
ReplyDeleteMelissa, I had a chance to talk to Mary Ellen Ronzheimer a couple weeks ago at church about your family and she said such nice things about your mom & dad. I'm still amazed that we both had/have the same pastor! :) Happy anniversary to Kenny & Sherrie!
DeleteI remember sitting on my dad's lap at church and laying my head against his chest to listed to his heart beating and hear his voice rumble while he sang. I also remember going to him before bed to have him button the top button of my nightgown - even though my sister and I could reach or we could ask someone else, we always went to my dad. He used to rub his face against ours and his whiskers would make my skin tingle and he'd say: "Now I gave you whisker seeds and you'll have a beard someday!" I didn't know it until years later, but his grandfather used to do the same thing to him. :) Thankfully I never did develop whiskers...
I remember sitting in the back of someone's car. Mom was 22 or 23. We were driving away from somewhere. We were going far away from where we lived. I was 2. My father had left us and my grandparents were taking us in.
ReplyDeleteI spent the next 10 years wondering why I was so easily leavable.
47 years later, I can still recall looking out the window and wondering why my world stopped.
I spent that Christmas Eve in my grandfather's barn being told that even though he was indeed Santa's helper, I still had to get to bed.
It's funny how the earliest memories I have are on such a broad spectrum.