Parenting Through the Stages




My sister holding her new baby and me meeting him for the
first time.  I am in love.

 

I just spent four days with my sister and her brand new baby.  I returned home last night to my four kiddos, my hubby and a dirty house.  A picture frame had been broken, the little Monkey had figured out how to unlock the back door (that leads to the river...), Lion Cub had a bruise from a topple off our bed, Dreamer had another frustrating playground story to tell and Charmer clung to me like she would never let me walk out the door again - I was thrown back into the thick of things before I even put my suitcase down. 

This morning I woke up early and went to Dreamer's program at school, ran some errands, cleaned the house, played outside with the kids, went to Wal Mart to buy latches to Monkey-proof the back door and ended the day teaching twelve preschoolers at our church's AWANA program. 

As the day progressed I thought a lot about the visit with my sister.  She and her husband have been married for almost seven years and this is their first baby - a big adjustment for them, but one they very much welcomed into their lives.  I watched my little sister hold her baby, talk to him, smile at him, gaze at him, feed him, change him, cuddle him and dream about the future.  It was beautiful, quiet, peaceful...and strangely familiar to me...if I reach way back, into the recesses of my mind...Ah, ha!  I remember!  Eight years ago that was me!  When I brought Dreamer home from the hospital, I was scared, but excited all at the same time.  Everything was so new and calm, although it was a bit overwhelming.  So many changes and new concerns to face, but I survived.

Then I had Charmer and I laughed at how much work I thought one baby was!  One was a breeze, two on the other hand, was exhausting and overwhelming, for totally different reasons.  Now I was taking care of a newborn (the same work as before), but this time I was chasing a two year old around!  I couldn't remember what I had done with all that extra time I used to have - how in the world could I fit all the needs of my family into a twenty-four hour period?  It was all-consuming, but, again, I survived.

Three and a half years later we brought Lion Cub and the little Monkey home from the hospital.  At the same time.  Twins.  Boys.  Two older children at home.  I don't think I need to expound on this one.  You get it.  I survived.



This is what "resting" looks like at my house.

As I watched my sister with her brand new baby, I wanted to offer advice, tips and general knowledge, but I kept a lot to myself, for the simple reason that you can't understand parenting until you do it.  You can read, you can talk, you can dream and scheme and plan, but until you do it, day in and day out, you won't really know.  I might tell her that holding her baby all day will only make it harder later on, but until she lives with a six month old that cries every time she leave the room or fusses until he is picked up, she won't understand.  There are just some things you have to live to learn. 

I am so proud of my sister.  She is a beautiful, natural mama and she is doing an awesome job (and she should hold that baby every second that she can!).  She is just beginning the journey, and, at this time in her life, this baby is her everything.  One day she'll have another and she'll wonder what she did with all her extra time.

I understand parenting four young children right now, but I don't know what it's like to parent middle schoolers or teenagers.  One day I will have to do it and I'll read and talk and plan, but until I do it, day in and day out, I won't understand it.  That's just how it is.



What stage of parenting are you in right now?  If you aren't parenting, what do you remember being the hardest stage in your own childhood?  Any advice for me?