Thursday, March 29, 2012

Parenting Through the Stages



My sister holding her new baby and me meeting him for the
first time.  I am in love.
 
I just spent four days with my sister and her brand new baby.  I returned home last night to my four kiddos, my hubby and a dirty house.  A picture frame had been broken, the little Monkey had figured out how to unlock the back door (that leads to the river...), Lion Cub had a bruise from a topple off our bed, Dreamer had another frustrating playground story to tell and Charmer clung to me like she would never let me walk out the door again - I was thrown back into the thick of things before I even put my suitcase down. 

This morning I woke up early and went to Dreamer's program at school, ran some errands, cleaned the house, played outside with the kids, went to Wal Mart to buy latches to Monkey-proof the back door and ended the day teaching twelve preschoolers at our church's AWANA program. 

As the day progressed I thought a lot about the visit with my sister.  She and her husband have been married for almost seven years and this is their first baby - a big adjustment for them, but one they very much welcomed into their lives.  I watched my little sister hold her baby, talk to him, smile at him, gaze at him, feed him, change him, cuddle him and dream about the future.  It was beautiful, quiet, peaceful...and strangely familiar to me...if I reach way back, into the recesses of my mind...Ah, ha!  I remember!  Eight years ago that was me!  When I brought Dreamer home from the hospital, I was scared, but excited all at the same time.  Everything was so new and calm, although it was a bit overwhelming.  So many changes and new concerns to face, but I survived.

Then I had Charmer and I laughed at how much work I thought one baby was!  One was a breeze, two on the other hand, was exhausting and overwhelming, for totally different reasons.  Now I was taking care of a newborn (the same work as before), but this time I was chasing a two year old around!  I couldn't remember what I had done with all that extra time I used to have - how in the world could I fit all the needs of my family into a twenty-four hour period?  It was all-consuming, but, again, I survived.

Three and a half years later we brought Lion Cub and the little Monkey home from the hospital.  At the same time.  Twins.  Boys.  Two older children at home.  I don't think I need to expound on this one.  You get it.  I survived.

This is what "resting" looks like at my house.

As I watched my sister with her brand new baby, I wanted to offer advice, tips and general knowledge, but I kept a lot to myself, for the simple reason that you can't understand parenting until you do it.  You can read, you can talk, you can dream and scheme and plan, but until you do it, day in and day out, you won't really know.  I might tell her that holding her baby all day will only make it harder later on, but until she lives with a six month old that cries every time she leave the room or fusses until he is picked up, she won't understand.  There are just some things you have to live to learn. 

I am so proud of my sister.  She is a beautiful, natural mama and she is doing an awesome job (and she should hold that baby every second that she can!).  She is just beginning the journey, and, at this time in her life, this baby is her everything.  One day she'll have another and she'll wonder what she did with all her extra time.

I understand parenting four young children right now, but I don't know what it's like to parent middle schoolers or teenagers.  One day I will have to do it and I'll read and talk and plan, but until I do it, day in and day out, I won't understand it.  That's just how it is.

What stage of parenting are you in right now?  If you aren't parenting, what do you remember being the hardest stage in your own childhood?  Any advice for me?

10 comments:

  1. I remember those days of active little children getting into everything! I have four too, but my youngest is a sophomore in high school! The way you parent shifts as they age. When they are young, everything is active and physical. When they are older, you slow down, but it becomes a mental challenge. You worry more, you pray more, etc! You do the best you can and you let go. It is a strange thing, but I have found something to absolutely love in every stage. You will too, I'm sure!

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    1. You are right, Sherrinda, there is something to love about each stage. As you leave one stage and move on to another there are things you will miss and things you're happy to leave behind. I miss breasfeeding, I miss cuddling, I miss all the "firsts" - smiles, giggles, walking, talking, etc., but I don't miss sleep deprevation!

      My twins turn two today! It's hard to believe how quickly they grow.

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  2. Love, love, love how you have stated this - so true - it keeps rattling through my brain the "comforter - teacher - coach - consultant" thing and how right now we are in the thick of teaching and it is wonderfully exhausting! So excited you got a chance to "slow down" a bit with your sister -

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    1. Thanks, Beka. It was interesting to "step back in time" and watch my sister experience this amazing time in her life and remember my own first baby. I was able to see where she is at and think about my own journey to where I am today. It is an amazing, life altering experience!

      Thank you for your card, it made me smile. You are an incredible friend and blessing in my life. And, I will take you up on the offer to share your graduation gift (I kind of had that in mind when I bought it for you...) :)

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  3. With our ages differences btwn the kids, we have lots to experience....LOL~ One in college, one in junior high (and being homeschooled!!!) and one in elementary~ Lots of different stages. My only advice is to stop in each moment and truely think about each situation. What each one should warrant~ and remember the child at hand. Each child can handle a single situation differently...some are stronger and can stand up for themselves or speak their mind, while another child might need more encouragment to get through something. And never forget, when you don't know what to do...PRAY about it~ He'll always bring you through with the right answers~

    I am so happy that you could go out and see your sister and the new baby! What an awesome time for the two of you! I know she enjoyed and appreciated you being there...maybe even more than you realize!!

    Blessings~

    Jennifer Bailey

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    1. Jennifer, you're right! Stop and pray was the best advice I could give my sister before leaving her on Tuesday afternoon. There are so many times as a parent you are speechless or at a loss for how to handle something, and in those times you just need to stop and pray. It is the most powerful tool we have as believers.

      Whether the kiddos are all close in age or spread out, whether there is one or twelve, each situation presents different challenges and blessings. Thanks for chatting with me today!!

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  4. Grand-parent stage! Grand-babies, what an awesome wonder, a whole new emotion, a whole new joy. You discover that there are so many things that you missed out on while raising your own babies. They are better to watch then any TV, computer, I-pod, book, or waisted thought. They are so pure, joyous, full of hope, trust - they are wondrous, a true miracle. The grand-parent stage allows you to watch them grow, explore, cry, reach out and charge into the world with total surrender. I can love, cuddle, squeeze, kiss, hug my grand-babies without any expectations. I am not responsible to form, mold and shape them into the person God has planned for them to be. I am suppose to stand behind their parents, support and enforce what they set forth - love them, cuddle them, spoil them, and create memories with them, to teach them from the love in my heart - the things that life (God) has taught me and I pray for them daily, trusting God that he will fulfill what He has planned for them - that they will become amazing men and women of God! Nana~

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    1. And you do such an awesome job, Nana! I couldn't be the mom I am today if you hadn't been the mom you were thirty years ago or the nana you are right now. I know I need to do my job well today so that thirty years from now I can enjoy the benefits of being grandma to a whole passle of amazing grandbabies, too. My children are blessed to have you in their lives and I am too.

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  5. Your family is positively adorable. I am part of a 2 boy/2 girl sibling relationship and I love the equal mix (although my sibs are 8, 10, and 12 years older than me). Enjoy your kids now. I am at the tween and teen stage with mine and it's a challenge (mostly with the teen). While I'm often nostalgic for their younger years, I can quickly switch to elation about their maturity when we have these amazing conversations about life and love.

    Nice to meet you.. thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. :)

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    1. Hi, Barb. I was also raised in a 2 boy/2 girl family, but we were much closer in age (about 2 years apart each). I am so happy having two girls and two boys, it feels so natural to me.

      I enjoyed visiting your blog - I loved the picture of the destroyed book - I can relate to it. I feel like every time I turn around something is being destroyed in our home. My husband has told me we can't buy another new item until they all move out. :)

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